WEBVTT

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[rapping]: This is my life,
trying to be like the rest,

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be like the best,
dress to impress,

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pass every test
with ninety percent, no less,

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and, yes, the stress
it gets me down,

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wishing to drown it out,
and all around

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they shout and shout,

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and take the sound,
their expectations

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pound out a path for me,
seemingly arbitrary,

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but I know no other way to be

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than by reflecting what others
perceive, I need to be perfect,

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see, I need attention,
I breathe acceptance,

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family keeps neglecting me,

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so I try to please,
but they don\'t see the effort,

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only the resentment,

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discontentment,

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to send the message

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of my burden.

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♪ When will it end ♪

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- This is the Punk Show.

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I like not having limits
on my personality.

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I don\'t really like following
the rules of everyone else,

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I don\'t really like being
like everyone else,

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it\'s kind of fun to stand out.

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- Call in and vote for Mike.

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- The part music plays
in my life is... it is my life,

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like I live to go to shows,
and I live to just, you know,

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listen to music, and just...

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It\'s, it\'s almost like living a
soundtrack kind of thing,

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and the music, the punk,

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it just, it works with my life,
it\'s how, it\'s how I live.

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[singing along]

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I\'ve been through a lot, like,
people who don\'t know me

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see me and they just assume
I\'ve been through a lot.

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I\'m not just another, you know,
like, punk rocker, you know,

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like I have,
I\'m a person, I have a story.

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My family is very cheerful

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and very expressive and...

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And just a bunch
of happy people.

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My mom laughs,
her laugh is really loud.

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We talk a lot, we take walks,

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I just know she\'ll always
be there for me,

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and always backing me up.

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My dad is from Gaspé

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and they\'re really into food,

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he cooks a lot,
and I help him a lot.

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He taught me how to make bread,

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\'cause he makes homemade
bread all the time.

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Jason\'s my big brother,

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and we do
a lot of things together.

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He\'ll start a joke
and I\'ll finish it, you know,

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it\'s just, like, we know
each other so well,

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that\'s how me
and my brother are.

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- I\'m a 17-year-old boy.

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I wouldn\'t say typical,
\'cause I do do a lot.

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Like, I do a lot of things
that most people,

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well, most guys out there
wouldn\'t even care to do.

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Dancing makes me feel happy,
energized,

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and puts me in a great mood,

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it\'s like my stress reliever.

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It\'s something I always do,
everywhere, in the hallways,

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in my bedroom, in the living
room, at my locker,

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in class, it\'s crazy,

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I\'ve got a tune in my head
and I\'ll just start dancing.

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- Things that stress me
in life...

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- I\'d just have to say school.

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- School.
- School.

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- School.
- School can be a really,

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you know, big problem
in, in someone\'s life.

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- Well, my big problem
was that I was dyslexic

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through all my school years,
and I didn\'t know it,

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and my parents didn\'t know it,
and teachers didn\'t know it,

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even if some teacher
may have had doubts,

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they didn\'t say anything,

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and they just thought I was
a big mouth,

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and a troubled child that wanted

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to disrupt the class,

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and they\'re so occupied
by kicking me out

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and having me shut-up
than by teaching me.

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So, I got mad at them,

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and, so I got this temper.

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- Yeah, so.

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All right, here we go.

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I\'m just about to go to work,
but I have some extra time, so.

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Today is the first day
I\'m wearing short sleeves,

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a little worried about that,
\'cause the scarring and stuff.

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I\'m just gonna try it out
and hope for the best,

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and hopefully people\'ll realize
that, you know,

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I\'m still a person, and...

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Good luck for me.

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I started very superficially
cutting,

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and then it gradually became
more and more of like...

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a lot more serious,
and it was never to kill myself,

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it was, it was just for the,
the rush of like, you know,

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the brain chemicals and stuff,

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and like just knowing that
I had control over something

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made me feel better.

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I have between
thirty and forty tattoos,

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I\'ve recently lost count,

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\'cause some of them
are starting to blend together,

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and some of them come in pairs.

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- Wow! I can make out
every pore on your body.

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- Oh, good.

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I really like tattooing
for the fact

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that it\'s still kind of out
there, but it\'s socially

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acceptable enough that...
they look past the scars;

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that\'s what I\'m hoping,
it\'s just to cover up

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all the scars, \'cause I would
rather have people ask me

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\"Oh what does that stand for?\"

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As opposed to, \"Ah,
what happened to your arm?\"

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I\'m cool.

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I really like proving
stereotypes wrong,

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especially the whole
punk stereotype, you know.

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I\'m not necessarily the rude,

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abrasive person
everyone thinks I am.

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- I know there\'s a lot of single
mom stereotypes out there,

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but judging by my case,

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I don\'t think
it\'s a disadvantage at all,

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\'cause my mother
has always been, over the years,

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she\'s been able
to take care of us.

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Things that stress me out.

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Well, big things or tests,
exams.

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- Such as math, physics
and chemistry.

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- Doing good in school.
- My parents want like...

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eighties and up, nineties.
- Passing everything.

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- When my mother\'s mad at me,
I know she won\'t stay mad at me,

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but it, it stays on my chest,
like oh, I made my mother mad.

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I\'m already looking ahead
at my schedule,

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and it\'s going to fit in,
I\'m telling you.

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And you know, you know if
I can\'t do it I\'d get out of it.

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- Yeah, but I\'ve also seen
you do a lot of things

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that you really couldn\'t do
and stuff like that,

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and I\'m looking at you lately,

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and I see you\'re totally
exhausted come Sundays.

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Sometimes I wonder if you\'re
not doing too much.

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And now, you\'re going to try
to add on top of it

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some volunteering
and stuff like that?

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- Volunteering once a day, mom,

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you know on Fridays
I don\'t have school.

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- Okay.

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- I have a well-managed
schedule.

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I mean, I keep three agendas,

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I even keep an agenda
on my phone.

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Everything is coloured coded,
everything has the times

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from which I start and finish.
So, I guess just being organized

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and knowing really what you
have to do just really helps.

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- And also you\'re going
to have to find some time

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so that you could spend
more time with your sisters.

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- I spend time
with Jill and Mommy.

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- I don\'t see you a lot, Jay. I
don\'t see you around here a lot,

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I mean, you\'re in, you\'re out,
you\'re gone,

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I know where you are,
and that\'s all good,

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but it would be nice
to spend more time with you.

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- Well, you know,
all you gotta do is ask.

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- As teenagers, we have a lot
of responsibilities now.

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- Do your homework, be good,
help out around the house.

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- We have to do so much
at the same time.

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- All, all of them pile up
together,

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and it\'s pretty...
pretty hectic.

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- There\'s so much work, you\'re
lazy and you don\'t wanna do it.

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- You got to balance homework
and sports and girls.

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- Another big stress factor
is work.

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- Working in the kitchen,
it\'s, like, kind of fast-pace.

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- Let\'s say I do like thirty
hours or something, you know,

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lots of stress and stuff.

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- I try to write like a plan
of what I have to do.

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- Take less hours.

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- Or ignore the work,
procrastinate, yes.

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- If you leave everything
to the last minute,

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you\'re going to be really
stressed out, for sure!

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- Manage your time properly.

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- You\'ve got to have, like,
some down time just to relax,

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Time for yourself.
- You have to sleep early,

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don\'t go to bed late.

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- Yeah, that too.

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[rapping]: I feel so limited,
earning a living,

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working and giving. Everything
a way to pay the rent,

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the government,

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or just to have money to spend.
Buy my own food,

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make my own rules, \'cause I\'m
surrounded by simplified ideas

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of what teenage life
should be like:

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easy, breezy,
beauty full of lies,

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beauty fills my mind,
matters more than I.

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I like to admit,
we all itch to fit,

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and learn, but they feed us
useless information,

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and turn on the ones
they don\'t find bright,

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telling me I\'m wrong and I don\'t
have the right to anything.

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- Teachers treated me stupidly.

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Like they\'d teach me, and then
I was like, \"I don\'t get it.\"

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And they\'d just be like, \"Ahh!\"

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And, you know, and then
they\'d have to explain it,

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but then they\'d seem mad that
they had to explain it again

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for like the tenth time,

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but I\'m like,
\"I still don\'t get it.\"

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And I got mad
and frustrated after,

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and then I became rude.

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And it was just always
a fight in class,

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everyday I\'d fight, and so I
didn\'t go to school often,

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and it was a sad situation

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because every other kid
was learning and moving on.

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My mom decided

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that she wasn\'t going to get
anywhere with the school,

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so she went to the hospital.

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I remember that day when my
parents and I walked in the...

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the hospital room, and all
the doctors that were there,

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they\'re all sitting there
and they\'re all looking at me.

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Kira, you have dyslexia.

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And I was actually happy to
be... to have something,

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because then it wasn\'t me.

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Like, then it wasn\'t...

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because I was stupid
or something,

00:09:48.167 --> 00:09:50.998
it was just because
I had this thing

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that has to be taken care of.

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- Well, they figured out
that one of my big problems

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was I couldn\'t concentrate,
I couldn\'t focus,

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so they gave me Ritalin,
and I took that for maybe...

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a year and a half or something.

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It worked, I did concentrate,

00:10:09.709 --> 00:10:11.708
but there...
it wasn\'t me,

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it was like this twin Kira
that was just quiet.

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I didn\'t like that,
\'cause people in class,

00:10:18.250 --> 00:10:21.541
especially my first year,
didn\'t get to know me.

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I said I didn\'t want it,
it didn\'t help me.

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I wasn\'t happy,
so my parents agreed.

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Then I became who I was again,
and even madder

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because of all
I had gone through.

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After that I was considered
a bad kid.

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I was put in Level II,
I was put in the...

00:10:41.999 --> 00:10:44.333
the kids who had drug problems

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and other problems
that were serious.

00:10:51.292 --> 00:10:53.374
- I was at a carnival in Dawson,

00:10:53.375 --> 00:10:56.666
and my friend Leslie was sitting
at the cheerleading table.

00:10:56.667 --> 00:10:58.708
So I went over, I was like,
\"Hey, what\'s up?\"

00:10:58.709 --> 00:11:00.541
She\'s like, \"Join cheerleading.\"
I was like,

00:11:00.542 --> 00:11:03.291
no way standing on the sideline,
screaming, \"Go team go,\"

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is going to satisfy me. So,
she said, \"No, it\'s really fun,\"

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then I said, \"Okay, I\'m going
to give it a try.\"

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It\'s acrobatics, it\'s dance,
it\'s gymnastics all in one.

00:11:12.375 --> 00:11:14.082
More guys should get involved

00:11:14.083 --> 00:11:16.500
because it\'s really a great
sport.

00:11:16.501 --> 00:11:18.208
[cheering]
And we just went to Toronto,

00:11:18.209 --> 00:11:20.998
and we had our competition,
and we did really well.

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- Sexy Leslie!
- At the competition!

00:11:25.999 --> 00:11:29.709
- Do the move for me!

00:11:31.542 --> 00:11:35.541
Today is the 49th annual
of 588 Bombardier Aerospace,

00:11:35.542 --> 00:11:39.166
and I\'m in 588, and
it\'s my last parade of the year,

00:11:39.167 --> 00:11:41.458
so it\'s really a big thing,
with awards,

00:11:41.459 --> 00:11:44.501
and then it\'s really
lots of fun.

00:11:48.417 --> 00:11:50.791
The first thing I ever thought
of cadets was the band.

00:11:50.792 --> 00:11:53.500
I went to the band practice and
right away, I was interested.

00:11:53.501 --> 00:11:58.208
I now play the clarinet,
the trumpet, the glockenspiel,

00:11:58.209 --> 00:12:02.374
the cymbals, the snare drum
and the bass drum.

00:12:02.375 --> 00:12:05.166
Here I am three years later,
still in cadets.

00:12:05.167 --> 00:12:09.999
I made friends three years ago
that I still have now.

00:12:10.834 --> 00:12:13.041
They\'re people
you can really trust.

00:12:13.042 --> 00:12:16.667
My heart is broken!

00:12:24.999 --> 00:12:26.998
I set goals for myself.

00:12:26.999 --> 00:12:30.750
To achieve a certain rank
by the time I\'m done,

00:12:30.751 --> 00:12:33.334
to have certain awards.

00:12:40.375 --> 00:12:42.501
[applauding]

00:12:49.042 --> 00:12:52.666
- I\'ve spent the majority
of my life in group homes

00:12:52.667 --> 00:12:54.625
in the Children\'s Aid Society,

00:12:54.626 --> 00:12:57.875
and I\'ve lived in lots
of shelters in Ottawa,

00:12:57.876 --> 00:13:00.998
downtown Ottawa.
And I\'ve lived in homes,

00:13:00.999 --> 00:13:03.999
like I\'ve lived
with a lot of families.

00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:07.666
The first attempt was brought
on by stress.

00:13:07.667 --> 00:13:09.958
I had just moved group homes,

00:13:09.959 --> 00:13:11.998
which means I\'d just moved
schools again.

00:13:11.999 --> 00:13:14.998
I was in a whole new house,
full of people that, you know,

00:13:14.999 --> 00:13:17.998
like, took one look at me and
ran to their rooms and just...

00:13:17.999 --> 00:13:21.999
I don\'t even want to know what
they were thinking about.

00:13:23.626 --> 00:13:26.208
I stopped thinking about all
the good things in life,

00:13:26.209 --> 00:13:28.750
and like I started focusing
on all the negative things

00:13:28.751 --> 00:13:32.124
that have happened. I didn\'t
have anything to look forward to

00:13:32.125 --> 00:13:34.625
And I didn\'t have anything to be
proud of myself about,

00:13:34.626 --> 00:13:37.998
and I just became really
depressed with the fact

00:13:37.999 --> 00:13:39.958
that my life wasn\'t going
anywhere.

00:13:39.959 --> 00:13:41.875
And and I didn\'t know
how to do it.

00:13:41.876 --> 00:13:45.333
I didn\'t know
how to take care of myself.

00:13:45.334 --> 00:13:47.041
It didn\'t help when,
in high school,

00:13:47.042 --> 00:13:49.541
because all the kids are so busy
being popular

00:13:49.542 --> 00:13:52.999
and try to, you know, dress
pretty and that, and I just...

00:13:53.000 --> 00:13:56.082
I was just trying
to, like, stay alive every day.

00:13:56.083 --> 00:13:59.750
I ended up being admitted
into the hospital

00:13:59.751 --> 00:14:01.208
for a serious suicide attempt,

00:14:01.209 --> 00:14:03.998
and it was ingestion
with pills and bleach.

00:14:03.999 --> 00:14:06.998
It was a really serious attempt,
and that\'s, I guess,

00:14:06.999 --> 00:14:08.998
where I started
to become suicidal

00:14:08.999 --> 00:14:11.917
and not just cutting
for my own satisfaction.

00:14:11.918 --> 00:14:14.998
I just remember being very cold
and very scared

00:14:14.999 --> 00:14:18.708
to be there alone,
because I didn\'t have anyone,

00:14:18.709 --> 00:14:21.999
and that\'s part of the reason
I was there.

00:14:22.167 --> 00:14:25.041
[rapping]: I come to class,
nobody asks where I\'ve been,

00:14:25.042 --> 00:14:26.998
well, I\'ve been in hell,

00:14:26.999 --> 00:14:29.541
no one to tell,
no way to spell this out,

00:14:29.542 --> 00:14:33.416
\'cause no one wants to hear
about my mother screaming,

00:14:33.417 --> 00:14:35.875
my brothers beating,
my body bleeding,

00:14:35.876 --> 00:14:37.416
my best friend\'s pregnancy
being aborted,

00:14:37.417 --> 00:14:41.082
this world is distorted,
can\'t sort it, can\'t conform it,

00:14:41.083 --> 00:14:44.333
and no one sees
the warning signals,

00:14:44.334 --> 00:14:47.998
\'cause in society\'s eyes,
we aren\'t even individuals.

00:14:47.999 --> 00:14:49.833
Just statistics and criminals,

00:14:49.834 --> 00:14:52.333
by our peers we are ridiculed,
to the rest,

00:14:52.334 --> 00:14:56.249
we are pitiful,
conditions literally unlivable.

00:14:56.250 --> 00:14:59.500
- How did you get the black eye?
- A girl was jealous of me,

00:14:59.501 --> 00:15:01.249
and she said that I was ugly

00:15:01.250 --> 00:15:03.583
and she wanted to just smash
my face in.

00:15:03.584 --> 00:15:04.998
- \'Cause you\'re a lesbian.
- Yeah.

00:15:04.999 --> 00:15:09.875
- Well, me, stressing out when
people try to make fun of me.

00:15:09.876 --> 00:15:12.291
- People just, you know, bug me.
Just joking around,

00:15:12.292 --> 00:15:15.166
but it gets to a point,
where it gets annoying.

00:15:15.167 --> 00:15:18.291
- You\'re fat. You\'re ugly.
You\'re a ho.

00:15:18.292 --> 00:15:20.875
You\'re this, you\'re that,
or you stink.

00:15:20.876 --> 00:15:22.208
- They call me fat and all that.

00:15:22.209 --> 00:15:25.249
- You\'re walking and people go,
\"Oh, nice hair buddy!\"

00:15:25.250 --> 00:15:27.291
- \"Give me your money.
Give me your money.\"

00:15:27.292 --> 00:15:28.998
- You\'re not accepted
and shunned a lot.

00:15:28.999 --> 00:15:31.124
- If one of my friends talks
behind my back,

00:15:31.125 --> 00:15:32.666
that will stress me out.

00:15:32.667 --> 00:15:34.998
- Rude people.
- Used to be a lot of race...

00:15:34.999 --> 00:15:37.875
race... racial problems, so that
could stress kids out, too.

00:15:37.876 --> 00:15:40.833
[rapping]: Constantly harassed
by those supposed to teach,

00:15:40.834 --> 00:15:42.998
they preach peace,
but call us each

00:15:42.999 --> 00:15:45.041
nigger, wigger, faggot,
figure of speech.

00:15:45.042 --> 00:15:47.708
Getting into the habit
of asking me to please,

00:15:47.709 --> 00:15:51.666
speak the language properly,
as if my accent had made of me

00:15:51.667 --> 00:15:53.416
an extra special terrestrial.

00:15:53.417 --> 00:15:57.833
Please, leave my race alone,
these streets become my own,

00:15:57.834 --> 00:16:00.999
horror story,
anywhere I walk I worry.

00:16:01.000 --> 00:16:02.541
What will they say today?

00:16:02.542 --> 00:16:05.833
I know they\'re going to hurt me,
but which way?

00:16:05.834 --> 00:16:07.082
Why should I be brave?

00:16:07.083 --> 00:16:11.625
How can I stay sane
with all this excessive strain

00:16:11.626 --> 00:16:14.375
on my five senses?

00:16:17.250 --> 00:16:20.958
- It started roughly about
elementary school, in grade I.

00:16:20.959 --> 00:16:23.998
I got bullied
for wearing glasses,

00:16:23.999 --> 00:16:26.249
for being the tallest one
in the class.

00:16:26.250 --> 00:16:28.998
\"Oh, you walk funny.
Oh, you dance funny.\"

00:16:28.999 --> 00:16:30.583
You\'re this, you\'re that.

00:16:30.584 --> 00:16:32.833
It could be the stupidest thing.

00:16:32.834 --> 00:16:34.333
Like, oh you only live
with your mother,

00:16:34.334 --> 00:16:39.459
but the biggest problem
I had was being called fag.

00:16:39.999 --> 00:16:43.416
I didn\'t really have
the father figure in my life,

00:16:43.417 --> 00:16:45.999
and I was... my family\'s pretty
much dominated by women.

00:16:46.000 --> 00:16:47.998
So I\'d see women all the time,

00:16:47.999 --> 00:16:49.458
so I learned
how to understand women,

00:16:49.459 --> 00:16:53.500
what they had to go through and
I picked up feminine gestures.

00:16:53.501 --> 00:16:55.750
The way they walk,
the way they talk,

00:16:55.751 --> 00:16:57.791
the things they say,
so I would go to school

00:16:57.792 --> 00:17:00.124
and I\'d act that way,
and people would be like,

00:17:00.125 --> 00:17:03.291
\"why do you act like that?
You\'re a fag.\"

00:17:03.292 --> 00:17:05.082
It was really hard.

00:17:05.083 --> 00:17:08.583
\'Cause it, it was usually done
around a big group of people,

00:17:08.584 --> 00:17:10.541
so it makes you feel
really little,

00:17:10.542 --> 00:17:14.082
like in the middle of everybody
laughing, it really hurts.

00:17:14.083 --> 00:17:17.291
I would just come home
and I would cry.

00:17:17.292 --> 00:17:21.998
I was always sad,
I felt I didn\'t have friends,

00:17:21.999 --> 00:17:22.918
I felt like...

00:17:22.919 --> 00:17:25.583
I really started to think,
\"Is this what I am?

00:17:25.584 --> 00:17:31.000
No, it can\'t be what I am.
I know what I am.\"

00:17:33.999 --> 00:17:36.833
- She\'s like, \"Get out.\"
\"Why are you kicking me out?\"

00:17:36.834 --> 00:17:38.998
\"You\'re not being cooperative.\"

00:17:38.999 --> 00:17:39.999
And then I flipped out.

00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:41.998
- What did you do
when you flipped out?

00:17:41.999 --> 00:17:46.333
- Oh, she was going, \"Shhh,\"
and I copied her \"Shhh.\"

00:17:46.334 --> 00:17:48.541
- You raised your voice?
- No.

00:17:48.542 --> 00:17:50.666
No, no, I was pretty calm.

00:17:50.667 --> 00:17:55.249
Christine became my friend
as well as my helper

00:17:55.250 --> 00:17:57.291
in dealing with my temper.

00:17:57.292 --> 00:18:00.791
If I was mad at a student
or a teacher, or whatever,

00:18:00.792 --> 00:18:04.666
I would tell her about it, like
let it all out, and that helped.

00:18:04.667 --> 00:18:09.998
- I\'m glad you didn\'t flip out
more than you have in the past.

00:18:09.999 --> 00:18:13.041
Are you nervous about
any of your exams?

00:18:13.042 --> 00:18:16.125
Which ones?
- Science.

00:18:18.501 --> 00:18:20.708
- I remember coming out
of the hospital,

00:18:20.709 --> 00:18:22.583
and going back to school
the next day.

00:18:22.584 --> 00:18:24.625
I just worked continuously hard
all year,

00:18:24.626 --> 00:18:26.249
and graduated
that year with honours.

00:18:26.250 --> 00:18:28.998
I just remember all the teachers
knowing about it

00:18:28.999 --> 00:18:29.999
and it being a buzz.

00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:33.541
Yet them saying, \"I thought you
just got out of the hospital.\"

00:18:33.542 --> 00:18:34.958
\"Yeah, I did.\"

00:18:34.959 --> 00:18:36.999
\"But you\'re doing really well.\"

00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:38.875
\"Yeah, I am.\"

00:18:38.876 --> 00:18:40.374
And they\'re just so shocked
at the fact

00:18:40.375 --> 00:18:43.208
that someone who, you know,
has the kind of problems I had

00:18:43.209 --> 00:18:45.208
could still, you know,
be functional.

00:18:45.209 --> 00:18:46.708
I guess it was my perseverance,

00:18:46.709 --> 00:18:49.082
just the fact that despite
everything that was happening,

00:18:49.083 --> 00:18:52.958
I just focused on the one main
goal I had and did it.

00:18:52.959 --> 00:18:55.833
I look back and I\'m, like,
all right next goal: college.

00:18:55.834 --> 00:18:57.998
More school, you know,
let\'s see what I can do,

00:18:57.999 --> 00:18:59.750
\'cause I know
I can do school right,

00:18:59.751 --> 00:19:01.750
so I\'m going to go for that.

00:19:01.751 --> 00:19:04.998
- We were really bad, every
substitute we had, left.

00:19:04.999 --> 00:19:08.291
Then this teacher came in
and she understood us,

00:19:08.292 --> 00:19:11.458
and just wanted us
to like move on.

00:19:11.459 --> 00:19:15.998
Then, again, I still had
my anger, I\'d still fight back,

00:19:15.999 --> 00:19:17.833
like if she was
the teachers before.

00:19:17.834 --> 00:19:19.958
And then, she had a big talk
with me one time,

00:19:19.959 --> 00:19:23.998
saying like, \"I try to be
your friend, but you\'re just...

00:19:23.999 --> 00:19:25.291
\"always have this anger at me.

00:19:25.292 --> 00:19:27.249
\"I think it\'s not
that you\'re mad me,

00:19:27.250 --> 00:19:29.291
it\'s because you\'re mad
at the past.

00:19:29.292 --> 00:19:32.541
You just have to let go.\"
Then, I realized

00:19:32.542 --> 00:19:34.999
that I had to let go,
if not, it would never change.

00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:38.833
So I did let go, and forgave
and forgot.

00:19:38.834 --> 00:19:41.998
It was a big change to make,
took a while,

00:19:41.999 --> 00:19:45.999
probably a year,
but I still did it.

00:19:49.999 --> 00:19:54.958
[Tarrel]: Grade eight,
it was a living hell.

00:19:54.959 --> 00:19:57.124
Oh my God, every day,

00:19:57.125 --> 00:20:00.917
Kids are even crueler
in high school.

00:20:00.918 --> 00:20:03.166
I would go and the whole day,

00:20:03.167 --> 00:20:06.999
I would just get harassed
in the hallways.

00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:11.833
\"Gay, fag...

00:20:11.834 --> 00:20:13.833
\"queer,

00:20:13.834 --> 00:20:16.583
fudge packer\"...

00:20:16.584 --> 00:20:17.917
It just goes on.

00:20:17.918 --> 00:20:21.249
I tried to change the way
I walked and talked,

00:20:21.250 --> 00:20:24.833
like, to be like the other guys,
but hey,

00:20:24.834 --> 00:20:27.998
I\'m not the other guys,
I\'m me, you know.

00:20:27.999 --> 00:20:29.374
So I figured it was...

00:20:29.375 --> 00:20:32.542
it was pretty messed up
to try to change myself.

00:20:33.042 --> 00:20:36.082
By the time grade eight came
to the end, I said it\'s enough!

00:20:36.083 --> 00:20:39.998
I have to do something about it.
One day I just told them,

00:20:39.999 --> 00:20:44.041
\"You\'re wasting your time.
I know what I am, you don\'t.

00:20:44.042 --> 00:20:45.998
\"You\'re probably
just bullying me

00:20:45.999 --> 00:20:47.333
because you\'re insecure
yourself.\"

00:20:47.334 --> 00:20:50.666
And, you know what? Standing up
to them really made a difference

00:20:50.667 --> 00:20:52.291
and they went away.
I was like, \"Yeah!\"

00:20:52.292 --> 00:20:58.082
And I walked with my big broad
shoulders, just walked off,

00:20:58.083 --> 00:21:00.875
and they were like, \"whatever.\"

00:21:00.876 --> 00:21:02.999
I felt really empowered.

00:21:03.000 --> 00:21:04.998
- There\'s always ignoring it,

00:21:04.999 --> 00:21:07.291
but there\'s times when you have
to just take it,

00:21:07.292 --> 00:21:09.958
then you have to stand up to it
and face it.

00:21:09.959 --> 00:21:15.500
- If not, you call the Help Kids
Line and talk to them about it.

00:21:15.501 --> 00:21:19.666
- Or like tell my teacher, like,
\"This guy is doing this to me,

00:21:19.667 --> 00:21:21.333
can you tell him to stop?\"

00:21:21.334 --> 00:21:24.082
- Or I go into the Teen Centre.

00:21:24.083 --> 00:21:27.249
And, like, sometimes we,
we do art and all that,

00:21:27.250 --> 00:21:29.208
and it calms me down.

00:21:29.209 --> 00:21:30.500
- I just walk away.

00:21:30.501 --> 00:21:35.416
- Go talk to your parents and
school councillors, teachers,

00:21:35.417 --> 00:21:37.082
anyone that can, that might...

00:21:37.083 --> 00:21:38.833
that could help you
with your problem.

00:21:38.834 --> 00:21:40.666
- The main supports that helped
me get through

00:21:40.667 --> 00:21:45.041
these struggles I had as a teen
were friends who, you know,

00:21:45.042 --> 00:21:48.998
acted as my family, and some
of the professional programs

00:21:48.999 --> 00:21:50.082
like Youth Net.

00:21:50.083 --> 00:21:53.958
What really attracted me to them
was their open-door policy,

00:21:53.959 --> 00:21:56.625
and how it was a very, very
relaxed atmosphere,

00:21:56.626 --> 00:21:57.998
and you were treated

00:21:57.999 --> 00:22:00.333
as, like, you know, just another
person, not as a patient.

00:22:00.334 --> 00:22:03.333
They never saw you and never
treated you like a patient,

00:22:03.334 --> 00:22:05.166
which was the first time
in a long time,

00:22:05.167 --> 00:22:07.583
and they gave you respect.
And you\'re just like, \"Whoa!\"

00:22:07.584 --> 00:22:13.291
- Okay, bad thing, I have two
summatives due tomorrow

00:22:13.292 --> 00:22:16.458
and I haven\'t started.

00:22:16.459 --> 00:22:18.583
Good thing...

00:22:18.584 --> 00:22:21.374
I see Sarah, and I haven\'t seen
her in a while.

00:22:21.375 --> 00:22:24.208
- I guess I first heard of them
when I was in...

00:22:24.209 --> 00:22:26.999
Youth Partial Hospitalization
Program, and I saw a sign

00:22:27.000 --> 00:22:30.082
for Pens and Paints, and I loved
doing crafts and stuff.

00:22:30.083 --> 00:22:33.998
I know, I know that feeling,

00:22:33.999 --> 00:22:38.249
I just, I like him, and it\'s,
it\'s not my fault, but...\"

00:22:38.250 --> 00:22:40.998
Michelle and Mojo,
from Youth Net came.

00:22:40.999 --> 00:22:45.124
They\'re the only ones that cared
enough to come to my graduation,

00:22:45.125 --> 00:22:46.042
and I got like a sunflower

00:22:46.043 --> 00:22:48.500
and we went dancing
in a fountain afterwards,

00:22:48.501 --> 00:22:51.041
it was a very... I don\'t...
almost affirming experience.

00:22:51.042 --> 00:22:53.082
- What is the other word
for average?

00:22:53.083 --> 00:22:57.208
Kira, what is the other word
for average?

00:22:57.209 --> 00:22:58.917
- I went to regular grade nine,

00:22:58.918 --> 00:23:01.708
and I had totally different
teachers, which was great,

00:23:01.709 --> 00:23:03.833
\'cause I could make a new start.

00:23:03.834 --> 00:23:07.998
And after that I worked really,
really hard, and passed.

00:23:07.999 --> 00:23:10.875
Now I\'m in grade ten and eleven,

00:23:10.876 --> 00:23:12.958
\'cause I have classes
in both, so.

00:23:12.959 --> 00:23:15.583
[teacher]: Kira, what do you
think that means?

00:23:15.584 --> 00:23:18.750
We have 12 pieces of data,
we divide it by two,

00:23:18.751 --> 00:23:21.917
we have the number six.

00:23:21.918 --> 00:23:24.625
- The...

00:23:24.626 --> 00:23:26.998
total... of...

00:23:26.999 --> 00:23:31.583
Is that what you get
when you divide it by...?

00:23:31.584 --> 00:23:32.998
Like a...

00:23:32.999 --> 00:23:35.998
[teacher]: Okay...
- I don\'t know what you want.

00:23:35.999 --> 00:23:38.998
With my dyslexia, you know
how people switch letters,

00:23:38.999 --> 00:23:41.583
well, me it wasn\'t the letters,
that were switching,

00:23:41.584 --> 00:23:45.249
it was the problems,
the questions.

00:23:45.250 --> 00:23:47.124
When I was younger,
I didn\'t know

00:23:47.125 --> 00:23:50.791
if they wanted me to subtract,
add, divide, or times,

00:23:50.792 --> 00:23:54.583
and it seemed everyone knew how
and I just couldn\'t get it,

00:23:54.584 --> 00:23:56.208
and I would always
do the wrong one.

00:23:56.209 --> 00:23:58.998
The doctor said I need to have
someone read it to me

00:23:58.999 --> 00:24:01.666
and explain it to me, and not
by telling me the answer,

00:24:01.667 --> 00:24:04.458
but explaining
this is what they want.

00:24:04.459 --> 00:24:07.998
And I think that that\'s
what I needed.

00:24:07.999 --> 00:24:09.998
Some teachers told me to draw.

00:24:09.999 --> 00:24:13.500
If they want the measure
of a building, to draw it.

00:24:13.501 --> 00:24:17.291
It does help me
to take a picture in my head.

00:24:17.292 --> 00:24:20.998
- How do I deal with stress?
I love seeing my friends.

00:24:20.999 --> 00:24:23.333
- Go see my friends.
- Every time I have stress,

00:24:23.334 --> 00:24:24.875
I go to my mom and talk to her.

00:24:24.876 --> 00:24:28.999
- Go to different activities to
try and get stress off my mind.

00:24:29.000 --> 00:24:31.416
- I do Kung Fu.
- Basketball.

00:24:31.417 --> 00:24:32.500
- Skateboard.
- Choir.

00:24:32.501 --> 00:24:35.041
- I just play hockey, and you\'re
having fun and stuff like that,

00:24:35.042 --> 00:24:37.833
and you don\'t have to worry
about like doing homework

00:24:37.834 --> 00:24:39.166
or, you know,
people yelling at you.

00:24:39.167 --> 00:24:41.082
- You just, release
all your anger on a ball.

00:24:41.083 --> 00:24:45.333
- My drums, I hit them as hard
and as fast as I possibly can.

00:24:45.334 --> 00:24:47.875
- Scream in your pillow.
- Punch my punching bag.

00:24:47.876 --> 00:24:50.625
- Listen to music.
- I like listening to music.

00:24:50.626 --> 00:24:51.998
- Usually I\'ll take my Walkman

00:24:51.999 --> 00:24:54.875
and just listen to some music
and it calms me down.

00:24:54.876 --> 00:24:57.708
- Take a long bath, or go to
the gym and work-out.

00:24:57.709 --> 00:25:01.041
- I love to sew.
- I keep a little journal.

00:25:01.042 --> 00:25:02.791
- Settle down
and maybe read a book.

00:25:02.792 --> 00:25:04.750
- Get out of what\'s
actually stressing you out.

00:25:04.751 --> 00:25:07.416
- Just block it out.
- I think of something fun;

00:25:07.417 --> 00:25:09.249
when I went to Disney World.

00:25:09.250 --> 00:25:13.999
- Chewing gum.
- Or eat pineapple cake.

00:25:14.792 --> 00:25:16.998
- I was in these woods
for about two months.

00:25:16.999 --> 00:25:20.583
All the shelters in Ottawa
were full, I was homeless.

00:25:20.584 --> 00:25:22.998
There\'s the nights where I had
to fight with people

00:25:22.999 --> 00:25:25.333
to stay with me,
because it was so scary.

00:25:25.334 --> 00:25:27.249
I\'m a hardcore punk and all that

00:25:27.250 --> 00:25:29.500
but it\'s still middle
of the night,

00:25:29.501 --> 00:25:31.666
you\'re hearing stuff
all around you,

00:25:31.667 --> 00:25:32.708
you wish someone was there.

00:25:32.709 --> 00:25:35.998
Had issues with anxiety attacks
and panic attacks,

00:25:35.999 --> 00:25:38.834
but I managed to deal with it.

00:25:40.375 --> 00:25:42.583
My entire outlook on life
has changed because...

00:25:42.584 --> 00:25:45.458
My living situation has changed.
I live with an amazing family,

00:25:45.459 --> 00:25:49.542
and just... I\'m a lot more
stable in what I\'m doing.

00:25:51.209 --> 00:25:53.541
And I just don\'t see what could
change

00:25:53.542 --> 00:25:54.998
to make it, to make me go...

00:25:54.999 --> 00:25:57.998
That period of my life is over
with, I have resources now

00:25:57.999 --> 00:26:01.999
that I wouldn\'t need to go
back on the streets.

00:26:03.751 --> 00:26:05.208
- No, I don\'t think it\'s a loss.

00:26:05.209 --> 00:26:09.082
I think, like I said,
I think it\'s made me who I am.

00:26:09.083 --> 00:26:12.249
Maybe if I hadn\'t had my parents

00:26:12.250 --> 00:26:16.166
and the way I live, yeah,
I wouldn\'t be in school anymore,

00:26:16.167 --> 00:26:19.333
maybe I wouldn\'t have
all these objectives

00:26:19.334 --> 00:26:22.500
to go to college,
to move, to travel,

00:26:22.501 --> 00:26:23.998
to have my own life and stuff.

00:26:23.999 --> 00:26:25.998
Maybe it would\'ve been totally
different,

00:26:25.999 --> 00:26:28.333
maybe I would have been
like working

00:26:28.334 --> 00:26:29.666
and never having the hope

00:26:29.667 --> 00:26:34.334
of having a higher job because
I don\'t have the qualifications.

00:26:35.250 --> 00:26:37.541
- It took me nine years
of schooling

00:26:37.542 --> 00:26:39.998
to stand up to my bullies,
it still happened,

00:26:39.999 --> 00:26:41.998
but, you know, it was less hard.

00:26:41.999 --> 00:26:43.998
And right now, I\'m in CEGEP,

00:26:43.999 --> 00:26:46.208
I\'m happy I stayed who I am,

00:26:46.209 --> 00:26:49.998
and I\'m on top right now, I\'m
doing the things I love to do,

00:26:49.999 --> 00:26:51.583
and nobody criticizes me

00:26:51.584 --> 00:26:54.500
because they know, \"Oh,
that\'s Jarrel, that\'s him,

00:26:54.501 --> 00:26:57.999
and he doesn\'t try to be like
anybody else.\"

00:26:59.999 --> 00:27:02.999
Captioning by CNST, Montreal

00:27:04.125 --> 00:27:08.291
- She\'s going to call action.
Action!

00:27:08.292 --> 00:27:10.333
- I am a very important star.

00:27:10.334 --> 00:27:13.208
I have my own things
to be doing.

00:27:13.209 --> 00:27:14.750
I don\'t see anyone else

00:27:14.751 --> 00:27:17.333
with a camera crew following
them around.

00:27:17.334 --> 00:27:21.998
- Action.
- And score once more.

00:27:21.999 --> 00:27:23.999
Ouch.

00:27:35.417 --> 00:27:38.998
[clapping]
- I\'ve got it...

00:27:38.999 --> 00:27:41.791
- Was it stressful at all?
- It was a little with the...

00:27:41.792 --> 00:27:45.583
the National Film Board of
Canada here on our first show.

00:27:45.584 --> 00:27:46.998
- Cameras in our face, yeah.

00:27:46.999 --> 00:27:50.500
- I get really stressed out
about the world in general.

00:27:50.501 --> 00:27:54.166
Oh boy, politics, materialism,

00:27:54.167 --> 00:27:55.958
capitalism, all the isms,

00:27:55.959 --> 00:27:58.998
religion, the environment,
should I go on?

00:27:58.999 --> 00:28:01.999
\'cause I can keep going
for a while.